Bring Me A Margarita

It’s faarrkin hot.

Would it be weird if I had no feathers?

It would be wouldn’t it?

I’d look like a flamingo

I hate those bastards

Always prancing about like they standin’ on somin’ hot.

When I do I just grit my beak and endure

Like a real ma’fuckin Emu

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Long time no beak

Holy fuckin’ crackers.

This Emu has been busy.

Not really I just went for  year long trip.

On acid.

Discovered things no Emu should ever know.

But I’m back in black.

Well grey really.

Anyways nobody reads

Not A Proud Aussie

Today I heard some terrible news that made me ashamed to be Australian.

Doctors working on off-shore detention centres aren’t allowed to comment on the conditions of the centres. If they do they could go to prison. What the fuck are they hiding???

This is because of our fuckwit Prime Minister Tony Abbot.

Fuck you Tony, I’ll peck your fucking eyes out. Then shit in your empty sockets.

Dead end dead beat dead dead dead

Fellow retail creatures.

How much does your perception change about people when you get into a job where people come up to you 24/7?

You uncharacteristically become bitter and violent.

I’m a peaceful bird, alright?

But dang, if a turd blossom be complaining I want to slap them silly.

I’m more stuck in this job than an emu trying to wear hot pants.

I couldn’t get them past my butt okay.

HALP

I’m having an Emu crisis.

Do you think an Emu can make it out in this big bad world?

Could you see me, an Emu, running your country?

Sometimes I have so many insecurities……..

Also, I’m not anything like Big Bird from sesame street. I hate the colour yellow and I don’t hang around children all the time. That’s just creepy.